How To Handle A Parasitic Battle.net ‘Friend’

During my four year stint as a guild master in World of Warcraft I attracted my fair share of ‘fun parasites’ — players whose constant need for attention, regardless of what you’re doing, can suck the fun right out of a game.

At the start of my tenure I could simply hide on another toon located on a different server, but then Battlenet came along and the ability to hide like that vanished.

Since Battlenet does not have an ‘Appear Offline’ feature, players like myself who are notoriously afraid of confrontation are left with two options. We either let these kinds of players kill the game for us, or we swig back a nice, big glass of wine, and get ready to handle the problem like the badass adults we are.

Read on to learn more about how I handle parasitic players in Battlenet.

Utilise Statuses and Broadcasts

While Battlenet may not have an ‘Appear Offline’ function, it does offer us ‘Away’ and ‘Busy’ statuses.

If you’re in World of Warcraft, you can also send out broadcasts that others in the game will see. Simply set your status to ‘Busy’ and broadcast a short message stating something like, “Do not disturb”.

Of course, your parasite may be in another game or they could have logged on after you, and in that case they will not see original broadcast. If anyone whispers you even though you’re set to busy, just shoot them back a short and sweet message saying something like, “Hi, X. I’m quite busy at the moment and have put whispers in another window. Talk later!” or something similar.

There is absolutely no need to explain your actions to them. Sure, you might be sitting in Warspear, but you could be doing something IRL. Frankly, it’s none of their business! A true friend will respect your wishes and leave you to your own devices.

Now you can move your whispers to another tab and enjoy some guilt free play time.

Set Boundaries

I read one scenario late last week where a player did try the subtle approach to getting some quiet time which resulted in her parasite completely disregarding her wishes and going on a tirade about how upset it made him.

I try to confront him and then he gets all depressed and keeps messaging me that I made him upset. I’m actually avoiding my computer now

Um, not cool! It’s time to be honest and set some boundaries.

I would say something along the lines of, “X, while I enjoy your company, there are times when I just want to do my own thing. If I am set to busy, please do not disturb me. It upsets me when you ignore my requests for peace and quiet.” It’s firm but kind, and any person who even slightly cares about you will respect your wishes — and probably apologise for being so oblivious in the first place!

Exterminate

If you have asked this person to leave you alone and their follow up does not end with anything other than an, “I’m sorry for upsetting you,” or, worse, they do say sorry but continue to ignore your requests for quiet time anyhow, then it’s time to remove them from your list.

If you’re feeling nice and they whisper you when you’re set to busy, you can probably remind them that busy means you’re not up for talking, but if they continue to disregard your requests, then I would probably follow up their removal with a trip to the ignore list.

As far as I am concerned, they have had plenty of chances to show you that they’re a big kid now who knows how to treat a person. You have been general, you have been direct, and now you need to take action. This ‘friend’ doesn’t care about you; they only care about what you can do for them. You do not need a person like that stinking up your free time.

If they don’t take this too kindly and find other ways of getting in contact with you, please report them. Remember, the problem is them, not you, and they are absolutely in the wrong for how they are behaving.

What Not To Do:

Be nasty — Most of the time, a parasite doesn’t actually realise that they’re making you feel bad, and in my experience they change quick smart when they realise they’re hurting someone they consider a friend. So, while it may be really tempting to just lose it and give them a piece of your mind (Or get someone else to do it for you), being firm but kind will have better results. After all, you obviously liked this person enough at some point that you added them to your friends list, so don’t go the way of the troll. Treat others how you would like to be treated.

Avoid the game entirely — Logging out of the game may make you feel better in the short term, but the problem will be waiting for you when you return. If you’re a raider or officer, you’re also letting down other people that you care about and who do treat you with respect. Tell me again why you and all these other people should miss out on the things you enjoy? There’s only one person who should be missing out on your company, and that’s the dickhead who doesn’t understand what boundaries are!

Pity the Parasite — This is the one thing that really stuck out from the example I mentioned earlier. The OP went on to say that she thinks she is his only friend and she’s scared he may harm himself if she does defriend him. Firstly, real friends respect boundaries. Secondly, using self harm as a way to to keep someone in your life is so many kinds of messed up. They don’t need a fake friend on battlenet, they need professional help.

Deactivate Battlenet — Doing this will wipe your friends list entirely. Sure, you could re-add everyone you like later one, but you’ll be back to square one if the parasite ever catches wind of your reactivation. As with avoiding the game entirely, you should not be missing out on the company of people you do like because one idiot cannot respect your personal space.

Final Thoughts

Real life is exploding with situations where we have to tolerate people who suck, so don’t let those kinds of toxic people permeate into your hobbies, too! I’m sure that, if given the chance, we’d all delete and block that annoying co-worker in a heartbeat, so don’t be afraid to do it strangers in a virtual world.

Just don’t be a jerk about it. There is still a real person on the other side of the screen. Sure, they’re an idiot, but they’re still a human and you never quite know what they’re going through.

How would you handle needy folks who suck the fun out of your game time? Share your sage advice in the comments below

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